'Sometimes It Feels Like Heaven, And Sometimes It Feels Like Hell.'

"Sometimes it feels like heaven and sometimes it feels like hell, but you keep on going until it gets hard to tell."

That's a line from one of my favourite songs, Rafael by Beatenberg. After Friday's disappointing loss, I think it's a good time to bring it up again. A friend told me that the lyrics represented 'the Rafael Nadal experience in a nutshell,' and that's totally right. Being a super fan of Rafa either feels like the best thing that's ever happened to you, or it feels like the walls are caving in on you. We experience emotionally tough losses and setbacks in the hope that there's something to celebrate just around the corner. Regardless of how many good and bad moments there are, as fans, we carry on watching and supporting him. It's just in our nature. We're part of something now, and there's nothing more tempting than staying up all night to watch him play, even if he's likely to lose. It's as if we're transfixed.

Sometimes I feel jealous of the fans that watch their favourite player almost seamlessly. You're in some kind of euphoria when your favourite is playing well all the time, and winning matches routinely. I miss those moments. Everything about Rafa's career has been blood, sweat and tears. He's done it the hard way, which means we've been supporting him the hard way too. The past year has been the toughest yet. It's really tested me as a fan, but made me a better one too. I truly believe that there are silver linings to every single cloud, however dark they may be. I've become stronger and strangely, more positive, because I've learnt the importance of optimism.

Maybe Rafa has started his downfall, maybe he won't get back to his best, and maybe the media are right. There's nothing we can do about that, though, so we have two options. Either, you can be negative and count him out, or you can be hopeful and try to enjoy the ride as best as you can. I know which option I've chosen. Even if we don't experience many more moments that feel like heaven, we can look back at the incredible journey we've been tagged along to with the most incredible memories.

Nothing about being a Rafael Nadal fan is easy. It's an experience, a lifestyle almost, that messes with you from the very beginning. From an outsiders perspective, it's impossible to imagine how and why we have so many emotions, and how we go from one extreme to the other: heaven to hell. The most important thing that I've learnt, is to always have a wide perspective. I used to be incredibly dismal after he lost, but I've grown to realise that losses are so common and frequent that a win should only be treated as a bonus. In a Grand Slam, 127 players lose, and only one wins. Now, the moments that feel like hell are vastly outweighed by the moments that feel like heaven despite an increase in losses, which is a big personal achievement for me as a fan.

I think what I'm trying to say is, being a Nadal fan is a roller coaster from start to finish. The tough times, especially this year, have put everybody under the spotlight and uncovered who is a true fan, and who isn't. It's the fans that say, 'he'll be back' that I have limitless amounts of respect for. I'm not completely sure why I'm writing this, but I guess a thank you may be in order. Thank you to the Rafa fans that are just as passionate as I am, and help myself and others be the best fan that they may be. Inspired by our idol, we keep moving and staying positive regardless of how many losses there are. Rafa keeps fighting, and we keep supporting. A big hug to all of those Rafa fans, that just like me, haven't given up on him, and are still 'vamosing' despite everything he has been through.

Grace x