'Sometimes It Feels Like Heaven, And Sometimes It Feels Like Hell.'

"Sometimes it feels like heaven and sometimes it feels like hell, but you keep on going until it gets hard to tell."

That's a line from one of my favourite songs, Rafael by Beatenberg. After Friday's disappointing loss, I think it's a good time to bring it up again. A friend told me that the lyrics represented 'the Rafael Nadal experience in a nutshell,' and that's totally right. Being a super fan of Rafa either feels like the best thing that's ever happened to you, or it feels like the walls are caving in on you. We experience emotionally tough losses and setbacks in the hope that there's something to celebrate just around the corner. Regardless of how many good and bad moments there are, as fans, we carry on watching and supporting him. It's just in our nature. We're part of something now, and there's nothing more tempting than staying up all night to watch him play, even if he's likely to lose. It's as if we're transfixed.

Sometimes I feel jealous of the fans that watch their favourite player almost seamlessly. You're in some kind of euphoria when your favourite is playing well all the time, and winning matches routinely. I miss those moments. Everything about Rafa's career has been blood, sweat and tears. He's done it the hard way, which means we've been supporting him the hard way too. The past year has been the toughest yet. It's really tested me as a fan, but made me a better one too. I truly believe that there are silver linings to every single cloud, however dark they may be. I've become stronger and strangely, more positive, because I've learnt the importance of optimism.

Maybe Rafa has started his downfall, maybe he won't get back to his best, and maybe the media are right. There's nothing we can do about that, though, so we have two options. Either, you can be negative and count him out, or you can be hopeful and try to enjoy the ride as best as you can. I know which option I've chosen. Even if we don't experience many more moments that feel like heaven, we can look back at the incredible journey we've been tagged along to with the most incredible memories.

Nothing about being a Rafael Nadal fan is easy. It's an experience, a lifestyle almost, that messes with you from the very beginning. From an outsiders perspective, it's impossible to imagine how and why we have so many emotions, and how we go from one extreme to the other: heaven to hell. The most important thing that I've learnt, is to always have a wide perspective. I used to be incredibly dismal after he lost, but I've grown to realise that losses are so common and frequent that a win should only be treated as a bonus. In a Grand Slam, 127 players lose, and only one wins. Now, the moments that feel like hell are vastly outweighed by the moments that feel like heaven despite an increase in losses, which is a big personal achievement for me as a fan.

I think what I'm trying to say is, being a Nadal fan is a roller coaster from start to finish. The tough times, especially this year, have put everybody under the spotlight and uncovered who is a true fan, and who isn't. It's the fans that say, 'he'll be back' that I have limitless amounts of respect for. I'm not completely sure why I'm writing this, but I guess a thank you may be in order. Thank you to the Rafa fans that are just as passionate as I am, and help myself and others be the best fan that they may be. Inspired by our idol, we keep moving and staying positive regardless of how many losses there are. Rafa keeps fighting, and we keep supporting. A big hug to all of those Rafa fans, that just like me, haven't given up on him, and are still 'vamosing' despite everything he has been through.

Grace x

Rafapocalypse?

It's fair to say that the last 12 months for Rafael Nadal have been dismal. A wrist injury, appendicitis, huge confidence issues and defeats to low-ranked players have all raised alarm bells that the 14-time slam champion is in trouble. His ranking has slipped down to number 10, his lowest standing for a decade.

Over the last four years, he's lost early in Wimbledon to players with three-digit rankings. This year, his second round defeat came to Dustin Brown. Why? Firstly, the German's game is incredibly sporadic. His serve is unpredictable, and his play aggressive. The vast majority of his winners were created inside of the court, with quick net play. During the match yesterday, points were kept exceptionally short. The  main issue for Rafa was that he was unable to create any momentum or rhythm, meaning he just didn't have the time to set up winners. Rafa didn't play atrociously, against a player with a game which is a nightmare for him, he did a good job. Brown played the match of his life. A combination of a fantastic player, Rafa's worst surface, major confidence issues and predictability led to the loss. It's not a shock. An upset, yes, but definitely not a shock. When you delve into the logistics of the match yesterday, it's not difficult to see why Rafa didn't come out with a victory.

I don't think anybody predicted Rafa winning Wimbledon, but as a fan, part of what I do is trust him and believe he can win every tournament he enters. It's always hard when he suffers a loss, especially one so early in such a special tournament like Wimbledon. Personally, I took it really hard as I was at Wimbledon when he lost. It was my first time, and now it's hard to think of my day without that bad memory looming over me.

In terms of the future, I don't think this loss has much to do with it. It's hugely disappointing for Rafa and understandably, he's sad, but in the long term I think he'll use it as motivation. It's not the end yet. I know that for sure. His career continues, this is just another setback. At the end of the day, it doesn't tell us anything that we already don't know. Rafa is struggling mentally and is not able to compete in the way he used to.

The road back to his best may never be complete, and that's something we have to come to terms with. We're no longer waiting for the old Rafa to come back, we are experiencing a new Rafa. I don't believe Rafa will ever be like he was, mentally invincible and able to beat anybody. That's okay, though. There comes a time when every player reaches the point where the best is behind them. This year, I believe we've hit that point, whether we like it or not.

Having said that, I strongly believe that he will improve and play at a great level again. Not a level that wins ten tournaments in a year, but a level that is solid and dependable. The first step to that happening is a full season. Consistency is key, and if Rafa can play the season from start to finish with no injuries, we're well on our way to achieving that.

Media are treating the loss as a disaster, which I think is just incredibly over-dramatic. There are 128 players in the draw, 127 of them have to lose. It's sport. Yes, it was to a low ranked player in an early round, but that doesn't tell the full story. Dustin played well and Rafa didn't. It happens.

Rafa's team have come under harsh criticism, especially Toni, as many urge him to get a new coach. Perhaps that would work in the long term, but I think that the trauma of removing his uncle from his team, one that have been together from the start, would cause more harm than a fresh face would do good. Ultimately, there's one player on that court, so losses are down to the player, and him only. No coach can repair Rafa's mental issues, that's a job for a psychologist, or alternatively, a solution is to be patient.

The only thing we can do now is accept the situation and try our best to adapt. It's not been an easy year and it's unlikely to miraculously get better, either. We have to remember that this is way harder for Rafa than it is for us. Our job now is to enjoy the roller coaster as best as we can because we never know when it's going to end.

My Life as a Rafan

Four years ago I sat at home on a Sunday afternoon with my family and watched the Wimbledon final. That day was where it all began. I saw my first glimpse of the passion I've launched myself into today. I never knew what was going to come out of it. The only thing I knew about the Spaniard on my screen was that he was named Rafael Nadal. I knew nothing about tennis. 

Since then, I've learnt a lot about that man I first saw on my screen four years ago. For the last two years, I've been lucky enough to call myself a Rafa fan. From not knowing anything about Rafael Nadal, I've become an expert. I didn't know what line was in or out at just age 10, but now I can watch a match and give as detailed an explanation as the commentator. That takes time. It was a process that just kind of happened. If you told my 11 year old self that in a few years time I would have spent my time admiring a professional athlete and doing everything in my power to catch a glimpse of him, I'd have never have believed you. 

Being a super fan is a very strange thing. You dedicate huge amounts of time and effort to support somebody who doesn't even know you exist. Playing a match is like a team effort, Rafa has millions of people all across the world supporting him and encouraging him. It's really special. He is a kind hearted and inspiring person that I think everybody can learn from. His incredible talent and warm, humble personality are a perfect combination, a combination that I'm proud of every single day. Every time he wins a match, the happiness he feels radiates out to me. It's an incredible feeling and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Being such an emotionally invested fan is a challenge. There are many positives to the 'job' but also quite a few negatives. It's emotionally draining. When Rafa goes through a rough time, I do too. It's an all consuming thing, which makes it so special when something good happens but also so emotionally debilitating when things don't go our way. Setting alarms for 3am are something you have to do if you want to experience all of the special moments in a tournament. It's actually not as bad as it seems! The lack of sleep isn't ideal, but there's something tranquil about waking up in the middle of night when everything is quiet and experiencing pure passion from him.

Am I here for the trophies? Absolutely not. Winning tournaments is what you expect, but there's a lot more to tennis than that. Every fist pump and point won is a tiny victory in my eyes. Just watching Rafael play tennis is good enough for me. Of course, titles are the aim for Rafa, and my aim is to encourage and support him so he can achieve that. Winning titles is like a victory for all of team Rafa. As cheesy as it sounds, we're a big family and we stick together. There's nothing better than winning a title. It's the most amazing feeling knowing the hard times have paid off.

It's not the usual thing for a teenage girl to obsess over, but you know what? I'm proud to support a role model instead of a band member. There's no going back now. I love this part of my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm living two lives. I'm so obsessed over somebody else's life it takes over sometimes! It might seem strange and not what I should be focusing on at my age, but it makes me happy, and that is the most important thing. Do what makes YOU happy.

Rafael Nadal is my passion. I can't put into words how incredible it is to be his fan. It's also lead to many more opportunities, and I hope it continues to. Tennis journalism is now a passion of mine, and that'd never have happened without Rafa.

Sometimes I wish that I'd have been there from the start. I've missed so many important symbolic points in his career, but what matters is I'm here now. It's tough being a fan, but also so rewarding. He makes me feel like I'm the grand slam champion, which is indescribably special. Rafans are a team, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

Vamos.

Post-Barcelona Panic

(Prepare for a rather long and un-professional expression of my emotions- sorry.)

So, you know the drill. Rafa lost again. This time it came to Fabio Fognini who defeated him 6-4 7-6 in the 3rd Round of the Barcelona Open.

Normally after a loss the fans are negative at first, but then clouds start to clear and the excitement for the next tournament kicks in. This one is kind of different. For me, it's like the permanent worry in the back of my head is being brought closer by every loss we endure. It's reached the stage where the worry is so overwhelming it's drowning out the positivity. At the moment, I can't think of anything positive about this situation.

After Monte Carlo I was so excited. The general consensus amongst fans was a positive energy and excitement for the next tournament. Rafa had lost in the semi final, but he lost to the best player in the world at that moment. It was a turning point, a really happy day for everybody despite the scoreline. I was delighted and just so relieved that the nervous off-point Rafa had vanished. Or so we thought.

The match in Barcelona was terrible, let's face it. Rafa's game was so average today. I didn't watch any of this tournament apart from the last couple of points in the tiebreak, (which both Rafa lost.) I'm a student so I spend most of my time at school. I rushed home to catch the end of the second set and hopefully a third set, but I only arrived minutes before Rafa lost the match. Not ideal at all.

Rafa's press conference was quite depressing to be honest. It reflected onto me. I'm now very worried for him. I'm worried he won't be at his best level in time for the French Open. I'm worried he's running out of time in his career. Every time a loss like this happens, we're losing the potential time I could be spending supporting him when he's winning and in a positive frame of mind. It might be selfish, I'm aware of that, but I desire to watch him for the maximum amount of time possible when he's playing well. This slump is no fun for anybody.

On the positive side, Rafa is totally healthy and injury free. That is the most important thing. I guess we can't have it both ways though, huh?

It's a pretty complex thing to explain, there's so many feelings and thoughts going on inside my head right now. At the end of the day, we need to simplify it a little though. A tennis player lost a tennis match. That's it. Even though there's a lot of doubt and panic surrounding the situation as it's kind of a disaster, let's not forget that it's a tennis match. Nothing more. (I know that's a little bit hypocritical, but to be honest, that was more of a reminder to myself to stop panicking.)

There's a lot going on right now. Every Rafa fan is hit hard by this by the looks of things. Therefore, can we all just support each other to get through it together please? Isn't that what fans are for? Let's be a TEAM and hold each others hands when it gets tough as well. It's cheesy but so important. Let's stop the criticism of what you think and say and just understand that everybody deals with a loss in different ways. Tolerance is key!

So, to round up this jumble of panicky statements… I'm worried. Time is running out before the time of the French Open rolls around again. HOWEVER… This is the important bit. Adversity is something Rafa is used to. He knows how to deal with it very well. Remember last year when everything seemed to go wrong at this point in the season? Well, it's the same kind of thing. A little more disastrous of course, but the principle is there. If anybody can overcome this, we know it's our guy Rafa. Let's just try to relax and enjoy the ride. This period is way more difficult for Rafa than it is for us.

Remember, when everything feels like an uphill struggle, just think of the view from the top!

Hugs everybody!

Grace x

Meeting Rafael Nadal

Today I had the incredible experience of meeting and watching Rafa Nadal train in his hometown of Manacor, Mallorca.

I've been on holiday in Mallorca with my family but when I knew Rafa was going to be there too, I was determined to meet him. After the kind help of some Rafa fans I knew where and when he was training. I did my research and got directions to the courts and more information of how to meet him. I set off on Tuesday the 7th April with my fingers crossed that I'd meet Rafa Nadal.

I wasn't completely sure he was going to be there, but as soon as I saw Toni Nadal's Mercedes I knew I'd be in luck. I saw Maymo first- I said hello and he directed me to where Rafa was from the car park. I nervously walked up to the courts and I heard a grunt. I peered round the corner and there he was, a couple of metres away from me. Rafael Nadal. He was tall and tanned, much more gorgeous in real life. I burst into tears and had to compose myself in a corner, I couldn't believe I had finally seen Rafa.

For the next hour I watched Rafa play and took lots of photos. It was the best hour of my life. Seeing the man I love so much in person for the first time was incredible. At one point a ball rolled over to where I was standing, and a couple of feet away from me stood Rafael Nadal. I said 'Hi, Rafa' and he replied with a smile and a 'hello' in his rich Spanish accent. I burst into tears again at that point, shocked that I'd been spoken to.



I continued to watch the practice, fully immersed into every shot he made, ooohing and ahhing when a forehand hit deep into the far corner. At this point I realised I had left my letter in the car. I ran back to get it and when I was coming back into the court area, Maymo was there again. I asked him to give it to Rafa as I knew it'd be busy once he left the court. Hopefully my words of support and positivity will give him a boost.

After watching him practice some more serves, volleys and smashes, Rafa walked back over to his chair and put some layers on. It was the end of the session. At this point I ran around the viewing area to the entrance of the court and got ready to meet Rafa there. I walked in front of him as he signed hats and t shirts for the children. Then it was my chance. I shouted 'Rafa!' and got a perfect selfie. My mum was not far behind attempting to take a picture of us but my hair blew in the way- dammit. I waved Rafa off as he sped away in Maymo's car once he had fought his way through the crowd of fans.


I got back into my car and started crying yet again. At this point all my makeup was smeared off my face so I didn't care anymore and just sobbed at the realisation I had touched and met Rafa. Now you might think it's over dramatic, but when you support and admire someone for so long every single day, meeting them is something you don't think will ever happen. I look at pictures of him dreaming of meeting him and for it to actually come true is bizarre. It's mostly just shock to be honest. I thought It'd feel normal as I know him so well but actually it was quite the opposite. That first glimpse of him felt so strange and I couldn't really believe it. It was peculiar because you imagine scenarios of what it'll be like when you meet someone and it's nothing like that. I don't know how to explain the feeling. It's a wonderful mix of happiness, shock and lots of 'I can't believe that's Rafa Nadal' feelings.

I feel so incredibly lucky that I was able to see Rafa play up so close and get the opportunity to put my arm around him and take a picture. My dreams had finally become a reality. It's difficult to put into words how special and overwhelming the whole experience was. It was a dream.

I want to say a huge thank you to the lovely Rafa fans that have helped me find and meet Rafa today, giving tips from past experiences.


Most importantly I want to say thank you Rafa. Your kindness and patience let me have my dreams come true. I will never forget today. The 7th of April 2015 was the best day of my life so far.

For exclusive pictures of my experience see my Twitter- @_phenomenadal_

Preview: Indian Wells 2015

It's time for one of my favourite tournaments on tour! The desert oasis of Indian Wells is so popular among players and the fans. The tournament always seeks to improve and provide an even better week and a half every year. As usual, all of the top players arrive in Indian Wells fresh and ready as it's the first masters tournament of the season.

There's a lot of great play right now, so there is sure to be tough competition. Let's analyse the main contenders on the mens side.

Djokovic- defending champion and hard court genius, Novak always performs well in this tournament. After winning the Australian Open against Murray, he's in great form. However, a loss in the Dubai final to Federer shows he's not unstoppable. For sure I can see Novak reaching the semi finals or further.

Winning Percentage- 86%
Best result- Win 2008, 2011, 2014.
Last Title- Australian Open 2015.

Federer- coming off the back of a win in Dubai, Roger's also in great form. He's healthy and constantly improving after a successful 2014. He started the season well and has picked up 2 titles so far this year.

Winning Percentage- 83%
Best result- Win 2004, 2005, 2006, 2012.
Last Title- Dubai Tennis Championships 2015

Nadal- a comeback from injury in the second half of 2014 has been wobbly at times, but Rafa's results are improving every tournament. His form is still questionable, but if anybody can rise to a challenge, it's Rafa. The slower hard court and dry heat help Rafa's game substantially.

Winning Percentage- 85%
Best Result- Win 2007, 2009, 2013
Last Title- Argentina Open 2015

Murray- a great season started with reaching the final of the Australian Open. It's the first time since he's really been at his best level of tennis for a while. Andy is motivated at the moment and is hoping to get off to a great start in California.

Winning Percentage- 69%
Best Result- Final 2009
Last Title- Valencia Open 2014.

The big four are the main contenders in my eyes, but it's very likely that there will be a dark horse. I'm very excited. The mens draw is out.

As I'm a Rafan, of course I'm a little more positive than some others may be about his chances. He still has doubts over his form but that's normal after a comeback. Rafa is healthy and improving every match, so I really think he has a great chance at having a successful tournament. Rafa always really enjoys Indian Wells so that also helps as he's likely to be more relaxed. A win in Buenos Aires will have improved his confidence too. There are lots of good signs, so I'm hopeful.

Rafa's potential route to the final (optimistic) is as follows;

1st Round Bye
2nd Round- Igor Sijsling
3rd Round- Donald Young
Round of 16- Gilles Simon
Quarterfinal- Milos Raonic
Semifinal- Roger Federer
Final- Novak Djokovic

Have a wonderful tournament everybody, I can't wait.

Vamos.

Rafa: Ending the Trophy Drought

Before the tournament in Buenos Aires, doubts still hovered over Rafa. Will he return to his best? When will he? A disappointing finish in Rio led to even more questions and worried us all.

Just one week later, Rafa is now celebrating his 65th ATP title and his 46th clay court title. Yep, that's right, the 8 month title drought is over.

In the last 8 months, Rafa's lost his appendix, Marin Cilic won a grand slam and Li Na retired. A lot has happened since Rafa's been stuck on title number 64.

After a great first few matches, Rafa was to play great friend Pico in the final.
Rain delays disrupted the final, resulting in Bossy Rafa complaining and the whole court having to be re surfaced. Once the final started at around 5pm both players were strong. Rafa's grunts got louder and balls landed deeper (sorry) and he forced a break and a one set lead. The second set was easy, Rafa's confidence was high and he was dominating. A simple final resulted in Rafa winning the tournament
6-4 6-1.

It's been a really long time since we've seen Rafa's teeth bite a trophy, so this win was so special, especially as we got some super cute Rafico photos out of it! I'm so proud of Rafa, and I hope this win is one of many to come. A title will improve his confidence for sure. Having a solid win so early on in the year is a great thing, even if it is only a small tournament.

Next up is Indian Wells. Rafa won here in 2013 but only reached the 3rd round last year, so we're hoping to improve once again. It's one of my favourite tournaments so I'm really looking forward to it.

Vamos.

"Recovery is Like a Ladder"

"Recovery is like a ladder which you don't climb running but rather step by step"

Rafael Nadal started his pre tournament press conference in Buenos Aires with this relatable simile. After a semi final loss to Fabio Fognini in Rio de Janeiro, Rafa's philosophy was clearer than ever. Fatigue and cramps as a result of his absence from the tour late last year show us just how gradual this process will be.

Even after failing to defend his clay court title in Rio, Rafa counts it as a positive week. Physically, he is fine. Rafa is climbing the ladder, but who knows how tall that ladder may be? It's true that when you get older you may experience fatigue and cramps more often, Rafa has said he hardly ever gets them. A mixture of tough conditions, a good opponent and Rafa not on top form is enough to take him out of tournament- and that's no disaster. It happens.

Playing 2 matches in one day after the ludicrous decision to start his quarterfinal match at 1am certainly didn't help the situation. Shame on you, ATP. The match came close to beating the record of the latest finish of an ATP match ever outside of grand slam tennis.

So far this year Rafa's been improving every match. His first match of the year in Doha he lost yet now he's contending for finals in tournaments. In 2 months, that's great progress. Patience is a word that has been used a lot recently. Waiting for Rafa to return to top form-if he does- is agonising. Rafa is physically well and motivated though so there should be no issue, right? The only issue is that he lacks match play and confidence, but when the wins start racking up, he'll be well on his way back to the summit of mens tennis.

Rafa plays in the Argentina Open this week, in doubles with Pico Monaco and singles. A lower tier tournament with no points to defend will give him the opportunity to build his confidence and have some more experiences on court.

It seems hard now, but the world of tennis knows that Rafa is not one to shy away from hard work and dedication to be the best.

You just wait, tennis world.

Vamos.

Expectations of a Rafan

When you're a tennis fan, you dedicate a huge part of your life to the player you admire. There may only be a select few people in the whole scheme of things that feel the same, but if even a few fans can relate to this, then I'll be happy.

Before a new season, it's a mixture of emotions. It's mostly doubts, but also that deep down excitement that we're always a little too scared to admit. Expectations are in everybody, but they're often seen as a bad thing. In the past, I've got negative comments towards my desire to achieve more on Rafa's behalf. I of course stand by Rafa at all times, but I'm competitive and ruthless inside. Sometimes that can be a good thing. For example, when I'm hungry to win, if it happens it's an even better feeling than going with the flow.

I don't know if this is making sense, but what I'm getting at is it's OK to have expectations. It's seen as over confidence, but really, it's just that raw belief in your player.

My expectations for this year are complicated. I want a grand slam win, a few masters titles and the ATP finals trophy. It's ambitious, but it's no fun without aspirations, right?

Dealing with these expectations is difficult. There's a fine balance between looking over confident or lacking in faith in your player. That's a battle I have to deal with very regularly. The criticism many of us get for either of these is unkind.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, having expectations is a good thing. It shouldn't be looked down on when you want to win. During Rafa's comeback, many Rafans had the opinion of 'I'm just happy to see him on court.' Well, yes, that's great, but why are you even a fan if you don't want to celebrate? Winning is the best part, and to talk about it like it's not why you've sticked around is incorrect. I'm a fan because I love watching Rafa play, but I could have left long ago. The heartbreak and misery I have been through is overwhelming, but I'm not going anywhere. My expectations for more victories keep me motivated to be the best fan I can be.

Vamos.

Doubts- Rafa

Doubts run through every tennis fans head. They're inevitable, necessary. However, the doubts running through Rafa fans heads are often unnecessary. When you want a win for a long time, doubting it makes pulling it off even more special. When the doubts are constant though, it gets tougher to try to ignore them.

After every loss Rafa has, the journalists rub their hands together in glee and get writing. They have another opportunity to portray Rafa as the crumbling, diminishing tennis star. It's very negative and it's tiresome. I'm not going to lie and say they don't worry me. The doubts are in the back of my head all the time, and they're weighing me down.

'Will Nadal win another slam?'
'When will the former champion be finished?'
'Retirement beckons for Nadal.'

Those are just some of the headlines I see on a daily basis. Being a fan is hard enough as it is, but with these so-called professional opinions spread across the tennis world, it's even harder. So far, I'm proud to say that every time he's faced with these doubts, he delivers. He proves everybody wrong time and time again. That's special.

Why do these journalists keep doubting him though? One day, Rafa might not prove everybody wrong. They are waiting for that moment, and quite frankly, it terrifies me. Every single year questions regarding Rafa's Roland Garros record arise. Surely one year he won't win? What happens if he doesn't? What's scary is the doubts that will come after/if he loses at the French Open. Retirement will be uttered from all the media's lips.

It's hard to have this burden over you constantly, but when the hard times pay off, my god it is worth it. Last years Roland Garros win was unforgettable. I will never regret becoming a fan because even though it's tough, moments like that make me feel on top of the world.

I guess the moral of the story is, every time this happens, every year, the media are not right. For sure, they'll be a time when they get their glory, but right now, they're not going to win.

Rafa is not finished, he's not over, he will fight. I can guarantee you that he'll put in 100% and find a way to prove everybody wrong… once again.

Vamos.